The B.F.D.

Barack Agrees With... Antonin?

2008-06-27T10:38:00.007-04:00

Barack, for the love of GOD, please check thyself. Washington, DC + handgun ban repeal = OBVIOUSLY BAD IDEA.

'Rack, just last night I'm halfway through Dreams from My Father (which has caused me to fall legitimately and fully in love with you, btw). At the part where you took Ruby to see for colored girls who have considered suicide/ when the rainbow is enuf because she wore the blue contacts and it broke your heart just so? You remember. Anyway, there I was last night, on my bed crying at your sheer manhood, only to catch up on the news today and hear this. Seriously, I've known not to agree with Justice Scalia since ninth grade Civics. Get it together!

At any rate, I need to get back to work and space out to my Marvin station on Pandora. He understands what's really going on. Hear that, B? While you and I are a little Here, My Dear right now, me and Marvin are straight up I Want You.* Jealous?

Can't wait to get back to the City of Chocolate!

* If you don't understand me, you need to get right with Wikipedia, iTunes, and God!

Posted by: Brittany
Story: Yahoo News

Just Quit Now!

2008-06-20T11:22:00.006-04:00

For real, Solange, I don't think your career can get any better than this song. It's Motown-tinged fun and perfect for summer, with a Technicolor video and fun wigs to match. "I Decided" is not quite pop crack, but it is solid and not necessarily something B would do.

I'll admit, I was a little miffed when I first saw the video, as it is very similar to the direction I was going to take with my imaginary pop career. However, I decided (ha! joke!) to cut Solange a break; it can be really tough sometimes having a big sister who is good at everything except acting*. Believe me, I've lived it.

*Just kidding, Mofree. Kind of.

Posted by: Brittany, who does not endorse the sentiments expressed in the previous post.

Coldplay is The Greatest Band In the World

2008-05-19T20:25:00.002-04:00

From The Official Wikipedia Page for 'The Happening.'

2008-05-18T23:21:00.002-04:00

This is funny and true! Go look for yourself. The excerpt:

"The Happening is yet another stupid M. Night Shymalan movie based on an idiotic premise where a super-conscious Earth turns on mankind and starts releasing neurotoxins into the air to kill human beings. It is perhaps the third or forth consecutive M. Night Shymalan movie that is pure crap, and yet another reason why this hapless dope should not be allowed to make films anymore."

Photo: 20th Century Fox

-Hannibal

Butt Nekkid Wednesdays!

2008-04-13T20:19:00.006-04:00

Any ladies wanna make it in the music industry? Erykah Badu's got some advice for you!

Bottom line: Do some ho shit.

This lil' nugget of pure genius is part of the upcoming IFC documentary Before the Music Dies. If this clip is any indication, we think the movie will be kind of awesome.

Posted by: Brittany

Adventures in Homework-Doing

2008-04-03T01:33:00.019-04:00

12:54am: Drink coffee self-importantly, start my 2-page art history paper.

1:30am: As I do not typically drink caffeine, I am tweaking after one medium coffee. Though I have only typed "The work of Jean-Michel Basquiat" and my own name, I have never felt more efficient in my life. I take a break and edit my Netflix queue.

1:35am: Reread my paper. My coffee high makes my little half-sentence read like Hemingway. I am amazed at my own sheer brilliance and concise wit. Imagine self winning Pulitzer Prize, which leads me to wonder how long it will take for my hair color to grow out. You know, for the photo in the Times.

1:40am: My hair is brown--> Brown Sugar--> Wonder what happened to D'Angelo, which reminds me of cornrows in general. Space out for an undetermined amount of time.

1:58am: Realize it is almost 2am and that all I have typed is "The work of Jean-Michel Basquiat" and my own name. Consider giving up completely and just going to bed.

1:59am: Remember this is not possible, as I downed 16 oz. of coffee an hour ago. Fuck.

2:09am: After much deliberation, I add "is often considered" to my original 6 words. Relief washes over me at this addition. Real progress. Wrestle with the idea of eating a banana. Realizing that I'd have to get up to do this, I decide strongly against consumption of said banana.

2:24am: Try to start writing. For real.

2:43am: Decide to go to sleep and finish in the morning. This shit is for the birds.

Posted by: Brittany

Funniest Trailer of The Week

2008-03-31T18:45:00.003-04:00

This movie stars Angel, aka Lola Luv, in her feature film debut.

- Hannibal

An Open Letter to Hillary Clinton and Kwame Kilpatrick

2008-03-31T10:15:00.009-04:00

Hey guys! There's this thing called "bowing out gracefully" that even the above man has mastered better than the two of you.

Hillary, your campaign's a mess. You tried to recruit Bob Johnson to garner the Black vote, for chrissakes! It's obvious you're just in this for yourself now. Drop out of the race, get some sexy new skirt suits (a little de la Renta never hurt anyone), and become an Obama supporter, like we all know you secretly want to.

Kwame, I'm coming back to you later. But for now, know that you're an embarrassment not only to all of Detroit, but to all black people, everywhere. The ancestors want to put you over their collective knee and give you a whooping.

My dad, the great and fabled Bill, always said "quit while you're ahead." Neither of you are ahead. Just quit.

XOXO,

Brittany

Just Married!

2008-03-30T11:44:00.005-04:00

Enough whiny, self-indulgent posts detailing my lame ass life. Let's get back to talking shit about other people!

According to the Star, Angie and Brad had the ultimate shotgun wedding in New Orleans yesterday afternoon. I remember them saying they wouldn't get married until everyone in America could, but if I had umpteen kids by the same filthy rich man, I'd be sprinting down the aisle ASAP, pre-nup in hand. Just saying.

Best of luck to the newlyweds! If the rumors are true!

Posted by: Brittany

Hi. Remember Me?

2008-03-29T11:51:00.005-04:00

Um, so, yeah, I went missing for a while... but now I'm back! I would like to say I've been gone because I've been busy, but why make excuses? The truth is, I've just been spending too much time, like, doing absolutely nothing. Well, kind of. Allow me to explain.

Between school (I'm not a fan), work (luckily, my job's not stressful, but it's 22 hours a week during which nothing especially fun or productive happens), and trying to be a normal person (this has not happened since age 7), I had a lot going on. Add to that emails unanswered, phone calls unreturned, laundry undone, friendships possibly damaged, and the fact that I'm embarrassingly poor for someone with a job (my ace money management skills at work)... I was exhausted.

Not, like, Lindsay exhausted. It costs a lot of money to do the amount of coke it takes to be that exhausted. Working at [redacted] proffers me neither the pay nor the time to dabble in hard drugs. Point is, I was stressed the fuck out.

I needed more than active relaxation, more than "chill time," as the kids say. I needed to completely detach before any type of restoration was possible. Fortunately, spring break came to my rescue! It was 9 days of my parents' couch, premium On Demand, and whoever came to call. Okay, so I did make one undercover foray into hipster heaven at the Justice/ Diplo show, as well as see a good friend off to China, but other than that, I was a homebody. I didn't have to work, go to class, use my cell phone, spend my own money, walk anywhere, bathe... shit, I barely had to move. Writing for the blog just got lumped in with everything else. I tried to post, believe me, I did, but after a paragraph or so, it just felt obligatory, like something I had to do. So, I unceremoniously took a couple weeks off to make myself a little less crazy. Make sense?

Of course I missed the ole BFD, and I kind of can't quit it (not that I would!), so here I am. More importantly, I'm back with actual things to say. Being away has given me plenty of time to ruminate on Kwame, Hillary, and all the rest. I've got quite a bit for you in the coming weeks... that is, if you can handle it!

I hope you missed me, because I missed you. Honest.

XOXO,

Brittany

Slow News Day

2008-03-29T10:49:00.001-04:00

This never gets old. The immortal 'Coffee is For Closers' scene from Glengary Glen Ross.

- Hannibal

Wow... Really? I mean... Really?

2008-03-28T12:02:00.004-04:00

To quote Rock, "It only makes me mad if she's fine." Garcelle Beauvais and husband.

- Hannibal

More Bad Marketing

2008-03-28T10:53:00.003-04:00

Or maybe this is good marketing. If you're retarded. Man, today must be grumpy post day. This time we have a tour de force of everything wrong with the pretentious jerk offs that constitute the hip and elite New York "Art" scene. Strictly out of spite for this silly, meaningless, vapid, refuse, I will go out of my way to pick a different vodka.

I can't afford Belvedere. But when I can, I won't buy it. Out of spite.

- Hannibal

An Exercise In Bad Marketing

2008-03-28T10:38:00.005-04:00

This looks boring. Granted I'm not the target audience. The closest I've ever ever come to this show was when I tried and failed to watch a single episode from beginning to end. Was the series anything like this trailer, which is probably the slowest paced and most boring I've ever seen?

If so, why is it a pop cultural landmark? For the most part we as a society do not give women enough credit. And sometimes we give them wayyyyyyy too much.

- Hannibal

Sorry Readers!

2008-03-24T00:34:00.004-04:00

Here at the B.F.D. we forgot about a few major events this past week Easter and Co Co's birthday (she is 29). We are so sorry for not wishing our seven readers a Happy Easter. We love Easter, there is egg dyeing, eating candy, Peeps, bunnies, baby animals and spending time with the ones you love. More importantly we forgot to celebrate the birth of our favorite pinup girl and Ice- T’s wife, the insanely talented Co Co and we don’t mean the ape that does sign language.

Post By: Imon
Image: Wireimage

Spring Break!

2008-03-20T20:30:00.011-04:00

It is spring break for all those who are apart of the B.F.D. Every single one of us went home and some are having more fun than others. Hannibal is partying it up and getting crunk at Berkley and Brittany is having fun in the suburbs of Detroit partying with Rock Stars and Hipsters. I am stuck at home in Raleigh, NC and my only source of amusement is an old K-mart that is next door to my house. Below is a photo essay documenting my adventures in this wonderful place.

Post By: Imon
Pictures taken by Imon

Damn!

2008-03-20T00:34:00.003-04:00

Anthony Minghella

1954-2008

Photo: guardian.co.uk

Ukulele Beast is Not an Oxymoron

2008-03-20T00:17:00.005-04:00

Ridiculous. His name is Jake Shimabukuro.

- Hannibal

A Real Bulgarian Songstress!

2008-03-16T23:50:00.004-04:00

I suggest you watch this twice for the full experience.

Post By: Imon

A Little Sunday Shame starring Chris Rock

2008-03-16T22:09:00.008-04:00

The Story:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/allison-hope-weiner
/chris-rock-and-anthony-pe_b_91391.html

The above link leads to a leaked 30 minute phone conversation between Chris Rock and a sleazy private investigator named Anthony Pellicano. Pellicano was hired by Rock to look into the story of a girl who claimed that the comedian raped her.

This was years ago, the girl at one time claimed she was pregnant with Rock's child, the allegation was disproved by a paternity test, and although Rock was and is married, at the time of the tryst he and his wife were separated with the intention of getting a divorce.

The Problem:

So it's not really cheating, no babies came about, it happened years ago, and the charges, if they ever turn into anything, won't stand up in court. The problem is this; at no point in the secret conversation, does Chris Rock deny that he is essentially a RAPIST.

I mean, c'mon now! Just listen to the tape. The PI is like, "So Chris, this chick is saying you pulled out your _____ then you forced her head onto it, then she ran away, then you chased her and threw her on the bed, then you pulled up her blue skirt and told her to quit fooling around, then you entered her, then you ________ on her thighs, and made her suck your ________."

And then Rock's like, "No, no, no, no, no. Not true! She wasn't wearing a blue skirt."

Gross.

And no one in the press cares. Between Barack and this, I'm actually thinking it might really be getting easier for Black men in America. Shame on Chris Rock though.

Posted by: Hannibal

Story: The Huffington Post
Pic: mtv.com

Sometimes, You Get Comfortable...

2008-03-13T07:58:00.004-04:00

Ness City, Kansas police answered a house call February 27th to find a woman stuck to a toilet seat because she had been sitting on it for two years. Her boyfriend called city police saying that there was "something wrong" with his girlfriend. You see, he knew she'd been on the toilet, his toilet, for the past 2 years, but every day when he would ask her if she wanted to get off she'd answer "Maybe tomorrow." She sat on his toilet for so long, her ass skin had grown onto the seat, causing her to have to go to the hospital with a toilet seat stuck to her butt.

I guess from time to time we all take a little more than the few minutes allotted for that type of activity. But whether you cracked the spine of a good new book, or simply opened the 650+ page April issue of Vogue and could not budge due to its weight, you could still get off the pot within two years. Or, like, the same hour.

I'm no detective, but I'm going to take a wild guess as to what was involved in this strange story. I won't say what it is, but it almost rhymes with "Pistol Theft."
I said almost.

Posted by: Brittany
Story: Yahoo News

In Defense Of...

2008-03-11T21:12:00.005-04:00

In Defense Of… is a segment in which the author searches for redeeming value in something society has deemed completely reprehensible. Clarence Darrow would understand.

Today's victim: Mary-Ann, aka Dawn Wells of Gilligan's Island fame, who was recently arrested for pot possession (four half-smoked joints) on the way home from her surpise 69th birthday party.

When I'm 69, I will be telling everyone "fuck off!" before they can even get a word in edgewise. Except my possible grandchildren, to whom I will hand $100 bills on the sly for sneaking me alcohol, cigarettes (I plan to start hardcore smoking at 65, because, why not?), and White Castle. Because that's my right as an old person.

You just don't arrest old people for smoking weed. It's in the constitution. Show some respect to your elders. And Mary-Ann, next time you decide to toke up, don't drive. You must be rich enough from Gilligan's residuals to afford a driver, at least.

Posted by: Brittany

Story and Photo: TMZ

Farewell To The Wire

2008-03-11T01:03:00.004-04:00

The Wire, one of the great (and there are two), television dramas of the 20th century, aired its final episode on Sunday night. I was one of about three people on earth who watched the show, but I considered myself lucky to have had the privilege of doing so. It was a privilege not because Howard's dorms get HBO, but because The Wire was first and foremost, a Black show, about Black people, and on that level, it was an unparalleled success.

I know this subject is tired, but it bears repeating. In 90% of television shows and movies as well, Blacks are only welcome if they're clowns, criminals, or nurturing and nonthreatening. The Wire did feature the criminals; the show began as a parable about the failed war on drugs, and it presented many Black youth slinging rock and junk, as well as the cops trying to stop them. In this sense, it was conventional, and in this sense it did reinforce the trope that the only way to get serious Blacks faces on screen, is if they're playing cops and robbers.

Creator David Simon and others, to their credit, took that basic premise though and expanded upon it to become so much more. They shot a show for five years with an overwhemingly Black class, and this cast was representational in a fictionalized way, of the variety and nuance that all HUMAN BEINGS share. Some are good, some are bad. Some are stupid, some are brilliant. Some are rich, some are poor. Some are capable of change, and some are not. All are at times, contradictory. It was a show that exhibited as all great drama does, the many different kinds of people in this world.

It had respect for its audience and respect for the people it portrayed. You don't find that a lot. I'll miss that honesty, courage, and risk in a medium not known for these attributes. Guess there's nothing much to do now except wait for another Wire to come along. That, or try and write one yourself.

Posted by: Hannibal
Photo: thisdistractedglobe.com

What I Did Today (You don't Have to Read This)

2008-03-09T19:19:00.006-04:00

It's time to get back on track with the posts on this thing. No more week long hiatusus. What's the plural of hiatus anyway? Hiati? I don't know. Anyway, I watched Caddyshack today on HBO. I watched The Jetsons Movie on HBO family. I watched an hour of Spongebob Squarepants. I tried to study in the library, then gave up after about 30 minutes and returned to my room. I thought about getting Starbucks, then thought better of it. I noticed Imon has an interesting affliction in which it sounds like she's saying Allison in Wonderland instead of Alice in Wonderland.

Now I'm eating some pasta I made and trying to decide whether I should do some more homework or turn on the TV. Who will win? There's an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. The guy with the halo is beginning to fatigue. It also doesn't help he's half the size of the other guy.

By the way, who in the hell likes Everclear? But more on that later.

Daily posts on BFD from now on.

Posted by: Hannibal

Musical Hotness: María Daniela y su Sonido Lasser

2008-03-08T23:04:00.009-05:00

I have a new musical obsession, María Daniela y su Sonido Lasser . They are a Mexican duo comprised of a D.J. Emilio Acevedo and a singer María Daniela Azipiazu. Their music can be described best as high energy sugary Electro-Pop. The duo are what is hot on the Mexican electronic seen (or so I think). Starting in 2003, they have already completed their sophomore album, Juventud En Extasis as of December 2007. If you like this music I strongly encourage you to go on the record label Nuvo Ricos web site, http://www.nuevosricos.com/for more awesome music . I spent a good hour on the site looking at different stuff and downloading free tracks. It made me feel cool, like I was a cool Mexican hipster on electronic music seen (like those gals in the A.A. ads from Mexico City).

The music video below entitled Miedo, is from their first album and one of my favorite songs by the group.

Posted by: Imon
Photo : I have no clue

True Life: I'm Corny!

2008-03-07T10:48:00.007-05:00

Recently it has come to my attention how this blog has caused others to perceieve me. At this point, I've been described by quite a few people, some friends, some not, as "cold," "dead inside," "caustic," "mean," and, oddly enough "mistrustful."

Now, normally, I'd be the type to not care very much. The kind of person who eats baby carrots out of a sandwich bag while walking down the street with her hood up is not really in any position to give a shit. Okay, and I did make fun of Imon twice during the Oscars broadcast for "Aw"-ing at that singing couple from Once. But this time, my character is (kind of/ sort of) at stake, so I have decided to set the record straight.

I'm corny. A cornball. Wack as fuck. Not remotely cool in any way, shape, or form. Beneath my cold, hard, poreless, gorgeous exterior beats a heart made of pink marshmallow.

I have crap taste in movies; particularly musicals and shitty-to-middling rom-coms. If I could, I would probably watch High School Musical and Prime every day. Multiple times! Sure, I've probably told you at some point that, like, Goodfellas was my favorite movie (actually, it kind of is), with all its gunplay and cocaine bingeing, but I was pretty much lying. In fact, I have two separate "favorite movie" lists; a real one, topped by Something New and The Wiz, and a fake one, full of pictures that I like, but are also acceptable for a "film student" to name. Best of all? I cry, almost every time I go to the movies. Seriously. Tears. Down my face.

I fall asleep at parties. There is photographic proof, and no, you cannot see it. I watch Gossip Girl in a non-ironic way. I will buy any magazine with Shia LaBeouf on the cover. I gave my mother the J. Holliday CD for Christmas last year, not because she asked for it, but so that I could sing along to "Bed" while driving around in her car. I love all the music that comes on the Disney Channel. I have two Hannah Montana songs in my iTunes and I'm listening to Aly & AJ's "Potential Breakup Song" as I type this. I can't help it! I think it's good!

Nonetheless, here is a sliver of my humanity, for you to examine at your will. The truth is out now: I am a living, breathing, warm-blooded, feeling human being. I think fat babies are cute and my bedroom is pink and I talk to my parents every day. Mock me, make fun, laugh about me with your only friend; I don't care. I'm done pretending.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to run if I expect to make it to the noon showing of Penelope.

Posted by: Brittany

Image: Disney

"Funny Woman" Not An Oxymoron Says Vanity Fair

2008-03-04T17:32:00.009-05:00

Good news for those who love funny girls! The April issue of Vanity Fair, which hits newsstands soon, features many of our favorite (and probably yours, too) comediennes ironically posing as Tinseltown bad girls a la Lohan and Spears. The cover story features photos of Susie Essman (possibly my white, Jewish, middle-aged alter ego), Chelsea Handler, Leslie Mann, Amy Poehler, Amy Sedaris, Wanda Sykes, Sandra Bernhard and many more. The above photo of (l-r) Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, and Tina Fey was taken by Annie Leibovitz, who shot the cover story. The pictures are great, and even though I'm not keen on her, I must say Sarah Silverman makes an eerily spot-on Amy Winehouse.

There are some broads missing (Mindy Kaling, anyone?), but it's a pretty great roster nonetheless. Let's hear it for the ladies! Hey, maybe some of all this attention will lead to the greenlighting of more and better parts/ writing gigs for women in Hollywood...

Just kidding! But it's nice to dream!

P.S. You can watch a super cute behind-the-scenes video here at Jezebel!

Posted by: Brittany
Story and Image: Vanity Fair

And Another One...

2008-03-02T21:37:00.002-05:00

I present to you another William (formerly known to me as will.i.am) production for the big O. It's not as catchy as the other one, but there's a whole new set of celebrities and quasi-famous folk to ogle.

Also, Zoe Kravitz: I really like you. I think you have fantastic style and a cute boyfriend and hot parents, but please, please stop singing. Thank you.

Posted by: Brittany

New Badu: Wack or That Crack?

2008-03-01T23:26:00.004-05:00

This album is definitely THAT CRACK, but then again it is Erykah Badu, so how could it be anything less? She's one of the most purely and effortlessly cool artists in the game and this is no more in evidence than on her fourth LP (of original material), New Amerykah Part 1: 4th World War.

It's been five long years since Ms. Badu has graced us with her presence, and hard as it may be to believe, this album was well worth the wait. Every track flows effortlessly into the next, and there's a great energy and cohesiveness to this record that she hasn't shown since... well, who am I kidding? She does it every time. Erykah Badu consistently brings it, and brings it hard. I better not have to wait another 5 years for Part II.

My 3 Favorite Tracks:

Me (Track 3): Great relaxing jazz infused beat, puts you in the mood to do something smart. Find someone you love and get all deep with them about... whatever. Favorite Lyric: "And in this world of greed and hate, they may try to erase my face, but millions spring up in my place. Believe me."

Soldier (Track 5): My favorite on the album. Beat reminds me of something Commonish, only richer than what he would have done. Sorry Common lovers.

Master Teacher (Track 8): On this she sings, "What if there was no niggas, only master teachers? I stay woke." Odd, esoteric, and resonant. If I may soap-box (as if I do anything else here), that's what distinguishes your artist from your amateur.

So cop this album immediately. Do it in a store not only to support a singer who actually deserves it, but to get the little booklet in the CD case with all it's pretty pictures and handwritten lyrics and messages!

This album is a dream come true and I'm not saying that just cause I'm in love with EB and want to make a home with her crazy ass.

Posted by: Hannibal

In Defense Of...

2008-03-01T09:31:00.005-05:00

In Defense Of… is a segment in which the author searches for redeeming value in something society has deemed completely reprehensible. Clarence Darrow would understand.

Today I tackle: Carmen Kontur-Gronquist, the Arlington, Oregon mayor who was ousted after a "reavealing" MySpace photo of her was discovered

Sometimes being a woman really sucks. Obama runs shirtless on the beach, he gains the adoration of millions (including myself), and possibly even the Democratic nomination. Carmen Kontur-Gronquist has the offending photo (above) on her MySpace, and she loses her job as mayor. Okay, so yeah, she's in a lacy bra and panties posing next to a firetruck. But it was for a fitness competition! She looks great for someone who's popped out babies, might I add. And the photo was posted by a relative hoping to get the single mom mayor a date, not Kontur-Gronquist herself. After the picture surfaced, Kontur-Gronquist refused to take it down, asserting, "I'm not going to change who I am."

And I totally agree. She was elected because citizens felt she would be the best for the job. Who cares if she took a non-pornographic lingerie photo 3 years ago? That doesn't make her a ho! Even if she was one, still looks better than all of those broads at the Bunny Ranch.

In a world where making a sex tape with Brandy's little brother can get you engaged to Saint Reggie Bush (Kim Kardashian, I am looking at you), Kontur-Gronquist is in the right with this one. The woman can wear whatever she wants. If she's running the city effectively and raising her kids*, what business is it of yours? I say, she's a grown ass woman who earned that muscle tone and she has the right to show it off! Besides, she looks better at 40-something than I do now. Better her than me!

Shit, if I looked like that at her age, you would have to rassle me to keep me from spandex and Glamourshots. Wait, no. You would have to do that now, too. Nevermind.

*Most fully-clothed people cannot even handle this.

Posted by: Brittany

Image: KATU

These Tedious Old Fools...

2008-02-29T22:18:00.008-05:00

That I can't get enough of! This is the new Gnarls Barkley single called "Run."

Their new album, The Odd Couple, drops April 8.

Posted by: Hannibal

One of These Things Is Not Like the Others

2008-02-29T15:54:00.002-05:00

Like many other American black folk, I spent my Monday night watching the ABC broadcast of A Raisin in the Sun. Overall, it was pretty good. It was good to see most of the cast from the 2004 Broadway revival reunited on screen, again under the careful direction of Kenny Leon. Audra McDonald was fabulous as Ruth Younger. Sanaa Lathan, though older than her college-aged character, was no less fiery and precocious as Beneatha Younger. And Phylicia Rashad gave the performance of her career as Lena Younger.

Each of these women has not only an impressive resume, but extensive training. Audra (Juilliard, '93) is a goddess in the minds and hearts of theatre geeks everywhere, and has 4 Tonys to prove it. Sanaa is known for crowd pleasers like Something New and Love and Basketball, but homegirl studied theatre at Yale. And Phylicia, in addition to being everyone's favorite TV mom, Clair Huxtable, attended good old HU (you know!) as a theatre major. When you combine all three, you have a flawless cast, right?

Enter Sean "P. Diddy" Combs, he of stupid-ass nickname and wack-ass rapping fame.

Sure, he played Walter Lee Younger in the Broadway revival a few years back, and I know he's trying, but it's just wrong on so many levels. This man is not an actor. He belongs in Proactiv commercials and on MTV's 10-spot, not sharing scenes with the likes of McDonald, Lathan, and Rashad. Not that he was horrible; he wasn't as strong as the other players, but he didn't ruin the movie, either.

But what right does he have to be there? How many other black stage and screen actors, scrounging for work, could have used that role? That notariety? That opportunity? That paycheck? It's hard enough for black actors to find work to begin with. Why make things worse? How presumptuous of Diddy to think he could even attempt to fill the shoes of Sidney Poitier! He wouldn't stand for such behavior from his Making the Band contestants.

Now, I don't hate all rapper-actors. But there's a right way to go about it. Small roles in Crash and Hustle and Flow a la Ludacris, or the RZA's believable turn as an undercover cop in American Gangster make sense. Sure, those are parts that could go to black male actors as well, but they're hardly starring, career-making roles.

Look, Diddy, if you want to act, cool. I'm all for it. But why don't you try guesting an episode of Law & Order before you tackle the classics, okay?

Posted by: Brittany

Image: um, Wikipedia

Are You An Oreo?

2008-02-28T22:54:00.002-05:00

Top 10 Signs You're An Oreo*

10. Your name tends to be Randy Jackson.
9. Your clothes fit.
8. The treble is higher than the bass in your car.
7. You know what old sitcom this line is from; “well the jerk store called, they’re running out of you!”
6. You add the word ‘ass’ to all your nouns.
5. You drink beer out of a can. At a house party.
4. You’ve never been to a house party.
3. You listen to The Roots.
2. You’re a guy who prefers ‘T’ to ‘A.’
1. You actually paid for the Radiohead album.

Posted by: Hannibal
Photo: cm.iparenting.com

*Black on the outside...

New Jam!: Estelle feat. Kanye West- American Boy

2008-02-28T14:30:00.004-05:00

If you really trust me, you can just skip the video and straight buy the single from iTunes*. It's that good. Besides, the joy it brings is worth so much more than the $0.99 price tag. Why are you still reading this? Press play already!

For more on the flyness that is Estelle, click here. And look out for a real post from me tomorrow!

Until then,
Brittany
*Stop tripping, you cheapass. I bought it, too.

Thanks JB

This Could Be Me!

2008-02-26T10:40:00.006-05:00

Here's George Lucas and main chick Mellody Hobson (who's no slouch herself) at the Hip Hop Summit Awards. Sure, I'm in college, getting this supposed degree and whatnot, but it's important to take a minute and remind one's self of what's really important in life.

Mom and Dad, keep your eye on the prize and stay prayed up.

Love,
Brittany

Image: FilmMagic

Watch Artie Lange!

2008-02-23T20:54:00.003-05:00

Before he goes the way of the Belushi.

That's Artie who used to be on Mad TV, and currently co-hosts the Howard Stern show.

It's so funny, because at about 2:38, this interview definitely takes a turn... I watch a lot of Conan and I've never seem him so uncomfortable in my life.

God bless Artie. All three coke filled tons of him.

Posted by: Hannibal

Awkward Encounters With The Homeless

2008-02-23T19:52:00.010-05:00

A Series.

Prologue: When it's not cold enough to wear a down, but not warm enough to walk around in a mere hoodie, I rock my hoodie under a leather jacket. I wear this ensemble at some point pretty much every day, because I have no winter clothes.

I emerge from the bowels of the U-Street Cordozo Metro Train Station with a righteous case of movie-head. Movie-head is when your brain goes fuzzy from watching too many movies in a row. Imon and I had just seen In Bruges (the best movie of 2008 thus far), and 30 minutes of Diary of The Dead, the new Romero Zombie Fest which we had to leave early because Imon got scared.

As we ready to cross U street, a homeless man seemingly materializes out of thin air and says "How you doin?" I reply with a tentative hello, a little shocked by the extreme familiarity with which he greets me. And no, it's not cause he was homeless, and I have this policy against conversing with those who make... roughly as much as I do now, but there was something in his eyes that said, "I know you, we're old friends." The only weird thing was, we weren't old friends! I'd never seen this bum before in my life!

After my weak hello, Imon and I begin to cross the street and as we do, we overhear the homeless man say somewhat confidentially to his pal, in reference to me, "THIS guy wears the same outfit every day."

This has been an awkward encounter with the homeless.

Posted by: Hannibal

Photo courtesy of collectingtokens.files.wordpress.com

Devil's Advocate: Writers' Strike Style

2008-02-22T21:50:00.011-05:00

I know it's not cool of me to say this. Some may call me rude, some may call me insensitive, and some may call me a broke, arm-chair, Ahmadinejad. Like the infamous, much maligned, and much parodied president of Iran, what I'm about to say is akin in some circles to denying the holocaust, or the existence of gays in my country. He did both... he's an idiot. I however, am not an idiot. Just a blogger. ;-)

So the writers' strike is over. So what?

Why say that? Cause TV's a wasteland.

Seriously, why has no one brought this up yet? Yes, I am happy these people are getting paid again and can go back to legally doing what they love for profit and feed their families. That said, most TV writers excepting the late night sketch guys who are on fire night after night on Conan, Daily, Colbert, and Letterman, are untalented JERK-OFFS! Aside from the few truly great shows out there, and there are a few, (not quite enough to equal a handful, but getting close), most of the stuff card-carrying WGA members are responsible for is so lazily and unimaginatively written, it's worth more as toilet paper substitute, or makeshift prophylactic.

Ironically when they all found themselves jobless, we had bleeding hearts coming out of the woodwork! The told us of how the idealistic, integrity filled writer is on a daily basis, trampled, stifled, manipulated and abused, by simple-minded, corporate philistine fat cats, blinded by greed, and insensitive to the plight of the artist.

Maybe so, but these writers overwhelmingly comprised of caucazoid, male, 30 something lifetime Los Angelians, need, forgive me for saying, a polite kick in the ass! They need to be answerable for the cliche ridden, hackneyed, trite, stereotype furthering garbage, they shove down our throats EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

Yeah so they're back. But what do we get out of it? More Ghost Whisperer?

Posted by: Hannibal

Need Some Good Vodka In Your Life!

2008-02-22T20:02:00.007-05:00

I am going to assume that everyone who reads this blog is much like my self: a classy person who enjoys the finer things in life, but can’t quite afford them. Here is a recipe to turn water into wine. Well not quite; to take cheap vodka, and turn it into expensive vodka.

The first thing you need is a Brita water filter. Next, you need the cheapest vodka you can find. Think the closest thing to rubbing alcohol that is available on the market. Don’t forget you need a new filter and it needs to be soaked just like it would if you were filtering regular water. Next, you need to pour your cheap vodka though the Brita pitcher approximately FIVE times, as this distills the liquid. Remember, the main difference between top shelf vodka and bottom shelf vodka, is the distillation process.

Ta Da! Now you have made your own personal batch of Grey Goose or my favorite, Belvedere Vodka, to share with all the people you like at your next party. It's sure to be a hit!

Disclaimer: If you die or get sick it's not my fault. Depending on how you buy your Brita filters, this process can cost as much as a regular bottle of good vodka.

Posted By: Imon

Si Se Puede!

2008-02-20T08:21:00.002-05:00

In honor of Barack's 10-state SWEEP, we post this video of Michelle firing up a crowd in California a few weeks ago.

Dear Mrs. Obama,

Thank you for being perfect. Keep it up.

XOXO,

The BFD

Thanks Michelle

Castro to World: "I'm Over This Shit!"

2008-02-19T08:20:00.007-05:00

Fidel Castro, now former president/ dictator of Cuba, resigned this morning. Though he hasn't been acting president since summer '06 (younger brother Raul has been working in his place), he still has about 40+ years of a truly interesting (if nothing else) legacy.

I mean, who else spiked literacy rates and provided excellent health care while simultaneously dragging his country into the Cold War, imprisoning thousands of citizens, and killing off dissenters? He's been in power for almost 50 years, since he overthrew Fulgencio Batista's dictatorship in 1959. And damn, there were like, 15-20 years or something of Batista before Castro. And when Batista was elected in the '40s, that was, like, the first non-forceful election they'd had in 20 years! That's nuts! I wonder what all this means for Cuba... Maybe nothing much because Raul's still around (he's known to be a hardass), but what do I know?

President Bush released a statement this morning from Rwanda (yeah, I'm kind of surprised he's there, too), going on and on about "democracy" and stuff like that. But that's not really exciting. What's exciting is seeing how the media handles an actual news story that doesn't involve Britney Spears or Hillary-Obama bickering.

Wolf (Blitzer, baby) and I are going to have a time today in the Situation Room!!!

Posted by: Brittany

Story and Image: Bloomberg

Hi My Name is Imon and I Suck at Writing.

2008-02-18T17:26:00.002-05:00

This is a confession of love. I am in love with my secret lover and his name is writing. No one would ever know it, but I truly and utterly really like writing. Words are magical and powerful and when put together they can create true beauty. I can remember some writer saying it should be glass; smooth with no imperfections. Well my writing is much like broken glass with no chance of ever being perfectly smooth.

My writing level is comparable to a six grader’s. Strangely, that is when I stopped scoring high on the in school writing tests. I became frustrated with words and began to hate them. They were my worst nightmare and haunted me every time I put pen to paper. Those around made me fell as if I were mentally challenged or dyslexic (I really could be dyslexic). I was so ashamed of my writing that I purposely wrote in chicken scratch so no one would be able to read what I wrote. That sucked because my handwriting is really nice and I have a gift of writing amazingly in cursive. English 101 in college I almost failed and in English 102, my teacher asked me if English was my first language. In A.P. English in high school I hated writing so much I used to rhyme every thing I turned in to my teacher, from my essay test question, to major papers. She made me move to regular English and put all of my writings on file in the guidance office, so it could be on record that I was a bad writer. Regular English was wonderful. We never wrote, just watched made for television movies about famous novels and drew pictures that were our own interpretation of the movies. I felt smart. Rhyming all of my work in A.P. English paid off during the Shakespearean poetry unit. The other kids would buy me things if I would write there poems for them.

I am taking a stand! I like to write and I can’t do it well. (That is why I started to write for a blog so I could get better). I know for a fact there are trillions out there who are just like me. We need to stand up and fight against those who turn their noses up at our inability to spell, place a colon, or make sure our sentences have a subject, verb and predicate. The good writers in the world need to watch their backs because there is a war brewing; us bad writers who like to write, we secretly have more heart, passion, appreciation for the written language than Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Toni Morrison put together.

Posted By Imon

He's So Old, This Time They're Gonna Have to Raid Him!

2008-02-15T23:22:00.005-05:00

Seriously. That's the catch phrase. A tad disrespectful if you ask me.

Posted By: Hannibal

2008-02-14T00:26:00.003-05:00

Altered on Photoshop by the BFD copied from the website http://thaneeya.blogspot.com

Hillary4U&Me

2008-02-13T23:45:00.005-05:00

We're gonna let you decide whether or not this is better than the Obama "Yes We Can" video. Choose wisely.

Thanks Monique

Silver Fox of the Week: Aretha Franklin

2008-02-13T12:59:00.007-05:00

Enough with Zac Efron and his ilk. We'll take gray at the temples, crow's feet, and soft paunches over that any day. In response to the flooding of the market by zygotes, once a week we'll give props to a sexy senior citizen.

This lady is amazing! She is the undisputed queen of soul, Aretha Franklin. Beyonce and the Grammy producers made the mistake of calling Tina Turner “the queen” and Aretha had to set them straight, on who the real queen was. Despite this small controversy, Queen Areatha gave one of the best performances of the evening. She performed a song alongside many gospel stars like Israel and New Breed, one of the Winans, and others. She looked like a yellow songbird in her dress. I was almost moved to go to church, but not quite.

Queen Aretha is always impeccably dressed and a real lady. My aunt who used to be a back up dancer for her said that she wears all her own diamonds and has a security guard just for them. Now I know she dresses rather scandalous for someone her age with that breast size, but hey, if you have big, gargantuan, ginormous boobies and you are a queen, does it really matter? Also, it is my belief that if you did not pay for your huge boobs and are famous, then you should wear stuff however low you want and show them off to anyone, even children.

I have seen her in concert and it is one of the best performances ever. She looks wonderful; her talent and stage presence is amazing. If you really look at her up close, she has the most amazing skin. I heard straight form one of her band members that the secret to her beauty is her weight. She weighs so much that her fat has smoothed out any wrinkles she might have; as a result, she has the elasticity of a ten year old! When I get older, I need to forget about wrinkle cream, Botox and Restylane. I need to get fat! I really think the world of this woman and her voice is a gift from God. That is why she is this week's Silver Fox.

Posted by: Imon
Photo courtesy of A.P.

V-Day

2008-02-13T09:05:00.001-05:00

Ok, so this is sort of a shameless, plug, but whatever. My sister is in the Vagina Monologues at Georgetown University Law Center, so my friend Tenisha and I went to see her. I had only seen the HBO broadcast with Eve Ensler, and Neesh had never seen it, and we really enjoyed ourselves! Each monologue was so moving, we forgot that all of the cast were just Georgetown Law students. It was a true testament to the quality of Eve Ensler's work, as well as to the hard work of the Georgetown Law women.

So, if you're in the DC area, and you've nothing better to do tonight or tomorrow night (and honestly, if you read this, you probably don't), you should check it out! There are snacks (!!!), including these cute little chocolate "Pussy Pops" that are shaped like vaginas. And the best part? All of the shows proceeds go to the V-Day 2008 Worldwide Campaign to end violence against women worldwide.

A caveat: they say "vagina" so much that you eventually get used to it, but it can be kind of jarring for the first 15 minutes. I suggest writing "vagina" on a sheet of paper 100 times as preparation. Or maybe using "my vagina" in place of "I" in sentences. Example: My friend wanted to go get pedicures today, but my vagina just didn't have the time.

THE VAGINA MONOLOGES

By Eve Ensler

Georgetown University Law Center

Hart Auditorium

February 12, 13 & 14, 2008

8:00pm

Tickets $10 in advance, $12 at the door.

Posted By: Brittany

Image

Scientific Discovery

2008-02-12T15:08:00.000-05:00

Last week, my life was in shambles. I was consistently late, was always spent, and I got into two separate physical altercations while riding public transportation (one of which was with an elderly woman, but she started it!). Friends constantly asked after my health/ bitched at me for whining about being "sooooo tired" all the time. I had puffy dark circles under my eyes, not unlike Vince Vaughn's, or yours. I was retaining so much water I could barely pull my galoshes up past my ankles! Though that sounds like an average week for me, I assure you, times hadn't been tougher. Fed up, I began the quest for a miracle cure to my woes.

I consulted Imon, who suggested something that I had not previously heard of: sleep. Skeptical, I decided to do some research. Apparently this "sleeping" is incredibly beneficial to your health and well being. Wikipedia claims it is the "natural state of bodily rest for mammals." The National Sleep Foundation asserts that sleep is a "basic necessity of life," and that getting enough sleep can cause one to feel prepared to face the day, improve your health, and prevent accidents.

Bodily rest? Feelings of preparation? Accident prevention? These were all things I desperately needed! The only catch? Sleep takes up a lot of time. Like, 7 to 9 hours-worth. Still, I was desperate, and willing to do anything. I decided to give sleep a try.

And it worked like a charm! After sleeping last Wednesday night, I awoke at 8am Thursday, feeling refreshed and full of energy. I was alert in all of my classes, was much less irritable in dealings with strangers, and my eyes no longer resembled Nosferatu's! I thanked Imon for introducing me to the miracle of sleep, and proceeded to tell everyone I knew about this fantastic remedy to all life's little problems. Funnily enough, it seemed like everyone already knew about it. Turns out, my mom has been sleeping regularly for decades, right under my nose!

Still, I know there are still some people in the world who cannot fathom the joys of which I speak. I write this to all of you who live your lives as I was living mine a mere 8 days ago: Go to sleep! It will surely change your life; bringing you further along on the path of righteousness, one REM cycle at a time.

Posted by: Brittany

Photo: ScienceMag.org

Grammys 2008: And These Are All The Parts That Sucked

2008-02-11T19:05:00.000-05:00

The earlier posts were all the good things about last night's Grammys broadcast, but you knew we couldn't just leave it at that! So, here are all the wack ass parts I left out:

Fergie was trying to hard to be a real singer with that piano ballad. She just doesn't have the chops. And John Legend was her accompanist? He's just too talented for that. On a good note, Ferg looked very classy, and for once the restalyne in her face didn’t scare me shitless. Nice.

Kid Rock performed. Enough said.

The Beatles/ Cirque du Soleil thing was a dirty, shameless plug. It almost ruined "Day In the Life" for me forever. And as if that weren’t enough, they just had to bring out a big black woman and a gospel choir during “Let It Be,” just to drive the point home. As if the Cirque du Soleil part didn’t tip you off to how corny it was.

Feist was actually pretty good, but waaaay too obsessed with her own indie-ness. Performing pigeon-toed on a shag carpet is a bit much, no? I also didn’t know she has serious old face! She’s too rickety to be trying to pull that cutesy act. Haul it back to Canadia with that mess. That’s right, I said Canadia!

Cab Calloway's well-deserved lifetime award was long overdue. Shameful.

Andrea Bocelli and Josh Groban sang well (I happen to like opera, thank you), but I’m sure it gave all of the middle-aged women in my hometown too much satisfaction. So, WACK!

Obama video aside, sometimes I wish will.i.am would just disappear. His performance at the end of the show was pointless. He is a shitty rapper (but a great producer). He’s always just this side of coonery. And he makes me spell his name in the stupidest way possible; with punctuation and shit all in between the letters, devoid of capitalization. Are you fucking serious? Please go home with that Dr. Seuss bullshit, WILLIAM!

So that's it. There's my take on Grammys 2008. Hope it made your Monday a little more tolerable!

P.S. No, I will not be doing this for the Oscars. That shit is too boring.

Posted by: Brittany

Photo: WireImage

Grammys 2008: Herbie For The Win

2008-02-11T18:59:00.000-05:00

I love love love that Herbie Hancock won Album of the Year! Anything that shuts Kanye’s whiny ass up for a second and puts Amy Winehouse back in her place is good by me. I’m glad there is someone around to show the young ones how it’s done. Herbie referenced Obama in his acceptance speech, so, yay! Also, I must say Mr. Hancock is looking fine! I sense a Silver Fox in his future…

Posted by: Brittany

Photo: WireImage

Grammys 2008: Fuck Nickelback!

2008-02-11T16:13:00.000-05:00

I know rock and roll is pretty much dead, but I think I felt it wheeze last night, when Little Richard and Jerry Lee Lewis got in on some deuling piano action. Those old fogies made me forget about Fall Out Boy, Nickelback, Emo and all of the other bullshit that has killed what was once a great (black) art form. Sure, The Foo Fighters may carry the torch, but without Little Richard and Jerry Lee Lewis, Dave Grohl wouldn't exist.

Yeah, they're all super old (John Fogarty was there, too), but don’t you just know Pete Wentz wishes he could have one hundredth the soul? And all of Little Richard’s Pancake 31 prowess? By the way, Little Richard’s outfit: pure sex. I swear I heard panties drop as the stage lights hit his rhinestone collar.

Posted by: Brittany

Photo: WireImage

Grammys 2008: Alicia Keys Not Wearing Total Foolishness

2008-02-11T16:09:00.000-05:00

Alicia Keys was really good, and she wasn’t wearing some bullshit outfit, either. Last fall, she took a liking to camel-toe creating jumpsuits (jumpsuits, wtf?), but I’m happy to see she’s outgrown that. John Mayer was there to assist on guitar, looking pretty hot, no less. I hate myself sometimes for thinking he is sexy. He smashed mouth with Jessica Simpson, but I am still not deterred. Overall, a strong performance, but I wish they had sung “Lesson Learned,” instead of "No One."

Posted by: Brittany

Photo: WireImage

Grammys 2008: Amy Winehouse Possibly Sober, With New Teefus

2008-02-11T15:14:00.000-05:00

Amy Winehouse looked kind of nice and sounded really good during her simulcast of “You Know That I’m No Good” and “Rehab." She got a new crown or something put on that old missing tooth of hers, and her 'hive was in top form. “Rehab” was at once funnily ironic and a little sad. Actually, it looks like rehab’s working for Amy, so best of luck to her in that. It was super cute to see her cry and hug her mom after she won for Song of the Year. I would’ve done the same thing.

Posted by: Brittany

Photo: WireImage (Sorry it's so far away! It's the best one I could find.)

Grammys 2008: Jason Bateman Can Do No Wrong

2008-02-11T15:11:00.000-05:00

Jason Bateman, my #3 future babydaddy (and a favorite of everyone here at The BFD), introduced the Foo Fighters, who were fucking awesome! I had to pick my face up off the floor afterward because they rocked it off. John Paul Jones (that's right, of Led Zep) was there, too! JB was a bit too tan and highlighted for my taste, but he is otherwise perfect, so whatever. Michael Bluth is a human beyond all humans, with virtue that no botched dye job and fake and bake can tarnish! Everyone please focus your collective energies toward an Arrested Development movie!

Posted by: Brittany

Photo: WireImage

Grammys 2008: OMFG TINA TURNER!!!

2008-02-11T15:08:00.000-05:00

Too much fierceness for one room! Seeing Beyonce and Tina Turner together has Changed. My. Life. They are the two people I most often pretend to be while dancing alone in my room. B's hair and costume looked nice, but Tina KILLED in a silver corset and leggings. Not to mention her wig was perfection. I might have to cop one of those until I can afford my dream weave. At any rate, it always makes me smile to see real divas showing the young kids what's up. I mean, Beyonce is cool and all, but Tina Turner is truly something to aspire to. I think I know who this week's Silver Fox will be...

Posted by: Brittany

Photo: WireImage

Grammys 2008: Kanye + Daft Punk = !!!!!

2008-02-11T08:55:00.000-05:00

Kanye was fantastic. Say what you want, the man half-asses nothing. He gave a stadium-worthy rendition of “Stronger,” with Daft Punk as a pleasant surprise. It was so cool that they came all the way to the U.S. to offer their support. His version of "Hey Mama" was heartbreaking, and a fitful tribute to his late mom, Donda. I just wish he would take off his sunglasses while inside. It’s just rude. Seriously, he was in the audience with white RayBan Wayfarers on for damn near the entire show. Kanye, you are not ugly like T-Pain, nor do you have a lazy eye. Cut it out.

Posted by: Brittany

Photo: WireImage

Grammys 2008: Rihanna Is Magic

2008-02-11T08:49:00.000-05:00

I freaked when Jimmy Jam introduced Morris Day and the Time!!! “Jungle Love” is my shit! Believe I was doing the above dance along with them. Rihanna was onstage doing literally nothing, aside from wearing a sweet-ass feather/ corset outfit and fi-erce shoes. Her hair* was doing this sideways swoop thing that was so awesome it distracted me from the fact that she has no outstanding talent. That matters not! I don't think that is Rihanna's purpose, actually. I just think she is like a really hot, life-like robot whose job is to wear amazing outfits and thinspire the masses.

Oh! Judging by her acceptance speech, she and Jay-Z have totally bumped uglies. I wonder what Beyaki thinks about this.

* !!! I am deep in love with her new haircut. I have daydreams about it.

Posted by: Brittany

Photo: WireImage

Grammys 2008: Didn't Totally Suck!

2008-02-11T08:47:00.000-05:00

Is it just me, or was last night the least boring Grammys of recent years? I missed the first ten minutes because I was on the phone with my parents (hey Mom and Dad!), so, uh, we won't be covering any of that, but look out for pictures and performance reviews throughout the day!

Oh, and I don't know who won or anything, but you can click here for that inconsequential information. Happy Monday!

Posted by: Brittany
Photo: http://www.grammys.com/

Silver Fox of the Week: Cindy McCain

2008-02-08T12:18:00.000-05:00

Name: Cindy Lou Hensley McCain

Age: 53? (her birth year reads as ca. 1954. ha.)

Why We Love Her: Just gaze upon that death stare! As Imon pointed out, Cin's way hotter at 53 (ish) than Kucinich's twentysomething "former model." She did the whole rehab thing before Lindsay was out of Pull-Ups! We're not Republicans by any means, but she definitely ups the sexy factor of the GOP.

Photo: Hensley & Company

Whatever Happened to the Foxtrot?

2008-02-07T11:23:00.000-05:00

There are no words for this video. EXTREMELY NSFW, which means "Not Safe For Work" for all you senior citizens. You definitely don't want your boss to catch you peeping this one. No one's naked or anything, but still... I wouldn't want, say, my parents or a child to watch this. Ever.

That said, it's completely amazing and totally shameful all at once. Well, it's mostly just shameful, but you'll see. You'll be wondering "how?" a lot, but mostly just "Why, Lord Jesus, why?"

If you are over 17, not my parents, and not at work, please, please click away! You might have to verify your age to YouTube, but I did it just to watch this video (it doesn't take very long), and it was totally worth it.

Just don't say I didn't warn you.

Thanks Mary

Posted by: Brittany

Who's Ready For A Nap?

2008-02-06T07:06:00.000-05:00

What did Super Tuesday really mean?

Apparently, not much. Though Hillary took Cali and a slew of other really good states (NY, NJ, Mass), Barack still got 5 more states than she did (including DE, and with mad support from the mountain states), and is favored to win Maryland, Virgina, DC, and Hawaii (duh), whose primaries are still coming up. And then there's still John McCain. With much of the disillusioned nation going middle of the road after 8 years of Bush, both McCain and Obama stand a strong chance of grabbing those independent voters.

Yo, I'm getting kind of tired of this. Not to sound lazy or not interested, but I'm sick of these primaries fucking with my emotions. There's so much OMG drama in this election, I can barely think about anything else! I think it's raising my blood pressure. When will the writer's strike be over? I want some new episodes of Gossip Girl and Ugly Betty to take my mind off of this for a few minutes a week. Hills and Barack will obviously be duking it out through the spring, and possibly the summer. I need a break.

Expect a few posts on new music (Estelle feat. Kanye!) and confessions of my corniness* in the near future. Until then, try to get some rest.

*I would post more on celebrity stuff, but all they seem to do anymore is just get pregnant.

Posted by: Brittany

Super Bowl Ads Super Offensive

2008-02-05T19:17:00.000-05:00

I am not a huge fan of football but once a year I love to watch the Super Bowl because of its commercials. I normally feel those that air are wonderful and the finest displays of advertising genius. This year I thought some were a little racist but that just could because I am an overly sensitive person of color… I encourage all to watch and discuss what you see below...

.

Posted By Imon

Awkward Encounters With The Homeless

2008-02-05T18:20:00.000-05:00

A Series.

Part of daily life in DC is a series of awkward encounters with the homeless. Awkwardness in basic every day social interactions, is a problem for me anyway, but for some reason when it comes to people asking me for money on the street, I can't seem to ever say or do the right thing.

Take this morning: I'm crossing the street on the way to Starbucks and a toothless woman waiting for the bus asks, "baby, can I borrow 60 cents?" She doesn't look too dirty or anything. I'm certainly not afraid of her or threatened. I just have some place to be and 0 cents in my pocket. Without breaking stride I pleasantly reply, "no, sorry." I take three more steps believing this to have been a successful and courteous refusal, however, one of us has been offended. As I walk away she angrily calls after me; "No, sir? I'm a lady, a female, you can say no ma'am, I ain't no 'sir!'

She had misinterpreted my "no, sorry," as "no, sir." Once again, I have failed. I consider apologetically correcting her error, but instead opt for the old 'pretend you can't hear, and walk faster' escape route of the short skirt wearing girl on her way to the club. Head hung, I enter Starbucks. I've lost my taste for coffee and overpriced generic pastries. My morning: ruined. I buy nothing, leave and enter a nearby computer lab to blog my sorrows away.

This has been an awkward encounter with the homeless.

Posted by: Hannibal
Photo courtesy of collectingtokens.files.wordpress.com

Poor Patriots/QB Names/The Future!

2008-02-04T23:59:00.000-05:00

Talk about anti climax! I happily watched the previously perfect Pats free fall like Petty's crap half time show Sunday, because well, I like interesting twists. I like surprises and most of all, I like underdogs. I loved the end of the game when even the announcers seemed stunned into submission. There was this kind of hush over everything. No one could believe that Forrest Gump, oops I mean, Eli Manning, had led the Giants to a miraculous win over common sense, marketability, and the Patriots’ place in history. When Plaxico broke down in tears in his post game interview, I couldn’t help but squeeze out a tear myself. I mean not really, but I was there with him. I felt it. I shed a mental tear in fellowship.

And no, I’m not a Brady hater. Look, the guy grew up about 5 minutes from my house and graduated from the all-guy high school that all the guys at my high school would make fun of. How can you not love a dude like that? He’s perfect. Perfect face, perfect gf (Gisele) and he led the perfect team; well, almost, perfect.

Oh, by the way: Have you ever noticed how famous quarterbacks seem to be invented in labs? I mean, they’re just so apple pie, American, perfectly bland, white guys with names like Joe, Tom, Terry, Steve, Brett. Where do they make these quarterbacks? I realized this early on, which is why I never aspired to be a quarterback myself. See, my dad told me to give up on such aspirations when he said; “son, your name’s Hannibal, not Jack Ford. You are not white, and your head is not shaped like a cube. You can never be a quarterback in the NFL.” It was sobering.

Anyway, congrats Giants, and let’s pray for another upset tomorrow when Barack triumphs over Hilary and wins the democratic party’s nomination. I think he has what it takes to beat McCain, and I’m ready for the first black president. When such a thing occurs, I will truly know that I am living in the future.

Posted by: Hannibal
Miracle Game Saving Catch courtesy of David Tyree... and Sports Illustrated.com

Drinking the Kool-Aid

2008-02-04T23:15:00.000-05:00

Sorry this is so late! Volunteering at Sunday's Obama rally in Delaware was unbelievably awesome, for lack of better words. There was a lot of me standing outside for 5 hours in Rodney Square in Wilmington (where the rally was held, I was on crowd control), as well as a lot of me crying tears of joy* at the goodness of it all.

The audience of hundreds ranged anywhere from mid-50s black bikers to 15-year-old BMXers. It was amazing to see literally every different type of person you could imagine joined in the same small town square, just to see Barack.

Obama was nothing short of dazzling. His words were so much about the average person affecting change and working hard for progress; it was refreshing. I'm not going to get into the details of what he said, as it wouldn't do justice to his speech, but I have never been so affected by someone's presence in my life. He was physically dwarfed by the sheer volume of the crowd, but each person stood in silence and reverence to hear the tidings of hope they so needed. He didn't need to command attention--- it was gladly given to him. To be in the presence of that kind of power was truly humbling. It was one of the best experiences of my life.

After the rally, my travel companions and I went knocking on doors trying to garner support for Super Tuesday. We were unsuccessful, however, because everyone in town had seen him speak that afternoon. They were already down for the cause!

Look, I've seen what this man is capable of. He is it. If you thought I'd been drinking the Kool-Aid before, you can bet I'm waaaaasted off of it now. Seeing Barack in person only turned me into an even bigger cornball. For me, there's only one thing left to say: Yes, we can!

*I cry a lot at inappropriate times because I can't cry at appropriate ones. Don't judge, you probably do it, too.

Posted by: Brittany

Photo: AP

PS- If you want to watch the will.i.am video (my #4 future babydaddy, Hill Harper, is also in it), you can click here. Try not to cry. Also, between this and Maria Shriver, Barry totes wins in the celebrity support arena, don't you agree?

Road Trip!

2008-02-02T19:50:00.000-05:00

Hey folks! I'm driving down to Delaware early tomorrow morning with some other Obamaniacs to do a little campaigning for Barry. Hopefully, this will provide me with an opportunity to press Michelle for information on how I can make myself in her image. Expect a full report Monday on the big O!

Have a fun, safe weekend,

Brittany

Photo: Fox and AllPosters.com

Silver Fox of the Week: Ruby Dee

2008-02-01T10:03:00.000-05:00

Name: Ruby Dee, born Ruby Ann Wallace

Age: 83 years hot!

Why We Love Her: Just look at the photo! A veteran actress, acvitist, and one half of one of the loveliest Hollywood couples ever (R.I.P. Ossie Davis), she nabbed her first SAG award this week for her work in American Gangster. Congratulations, Ms. Dee! Keep showing the young ones how it's done.

Photo credit: Kevork Djansezian

Yikes!

2008-01-31T11:46:00.000-05:00

Yikes!™ is a recurring feature in which the bleeding heart liberal of an author will pick something in society that scares her, and with the use of too many words, and a few run on sentences, try and convince you to live in fear as well.

Last night, as if by Ouija board-like control, I turned my radio dial* to CSPAN for coverage of the Republican debates. It was like something out of The Twilight Zone. McCain and Romney were arguing about who was more dedicated to continuing the war in Iraq! Like it was a good thing! They grappled over which one of them really wanted to take away a woman's right to choose. And I thought someone was going to get bitch-slapped when they got into it over No Child Left Behind. They were speaking English, but I would've understood Korean more easily (in case you were wondering, I am not fluent in Korean). I think all the craziness they were spouting combined with the radio airwaves to burn a hole in my brain where some of my speech recognition skills used to be. In fact, I am not even typing this. I have to use a scribe.

The whole ordeal filled me with fear and anxiety. The thought that one of them could get elected is utterly terrifying. Between last night's debates and Monday's State of the Union Address, I wonder if the Republican nominees, or really any Republicans, live in the same country as I do. Their America sounds like an alternate universe!

With recent polls projecting McCain for the win, I'm considering fleeing the States after graduation. Seriously, any Canadian couples need an au pair? As I am currently taking 100-level French, I can teach your child to say "pencil," as well as how to order a decent potage and ask for the restroom. Save for last night's incident, I am practically bilingual.

This reminds me. Yesterday my coworker revealed his plan to, within the next 7 years, convince all black people to become Republicans so that we can "turn the party around." When I asked him how he planned to do this, he assured me that if he could get Wu-Tang on board, the rest would fall into place. God Bless America.

*No, I am not a senior citizen. I had to skip the CNN broadcast because of Moment of Truth was on. You think I would miss that?

Posted by: Brittany

"No Homo!"

2008-01-30T15:35:00.001-05:00

Let’s examine the phrase ‘No Homo.’ For the uninitiated, “no homo” is what you say when you’re a straight man volunteering an opinion that could be misconstrued by another straight man as gay. You know, like, “nice tie.” Or, “nice hair cut,” or “nice ass.”

No Homo is a phrase that I hear a lot at my school. A school I take the piss out of a lot, but love with equal measure. Howard University’s best kept secret? We’re a magnet school for the gays, man.

Now our brochure writers cloak this fact with euphemisms like: “Most Fashionable Campus,” and “Best College Newspaper.” See, Howard’s kind of like Xavier’s School for the Gifted out of X-Men. A place where the feared, scorned, and tormented individuals born of a minority persuasion, can congregate en masse. I’m not talking about blacks. Or mutants. Let’s call them gays. And while we’re going with “Nerdy Fiction Metaphor for $300 Alex,” let’s change the school’s name to something more thematically appropriate. Hogwarts?

But I stray.

Saying ‘No Homo’ is fascinating because it reveals the paranoid depths a straight will go to, all to maintain the stability of his fragile Metro ego. Most of the time this straight will be wearing something like lime green flip flops, bright plaid shorts, XS Tee that matches flip flops, a pink bow tie, and like, a cravat. When I hear such a character say this, I have only one silent reply: “Saying ‘no homo,’ does not help your case bro!”

My point is, if you get laid on a regular basis by someone of the opposite sex and you enjoy said activity, well, guess what? You’re straight! Enough anyway. Now please, on that basis, feel free with impunity, to express yourself naturally.

Posted By: Hannibal

Only 15 More Days!

2008-01-30T12:56:00.000-05:00

Can I get an “Awwwwwwwww Shit!”

I’m not kidding by the way. Opening night, Gallery Place, I’ll be there. But will you???

You will after you peep this:

Here are some music videos from the movie:

Missy Elliott - Ching-A-Ling / Shake Your Pom Pom
Uploaded by IPod-KING

(Photo and Trailer Courtesy of God and Santa Clause)

Posted by: H "More Like An All-Star" Diddy.

Just Get Over It

2008-01-30T12:06:00.000-05:00

The day after this blog launched, I decided I was tired of blogs.

This clearly was most inopportune, for having announced to my small circle of friends, who are largely comprised of this very site’s administrators, that this thing was on, how could I continue to come to this, putting in any effort or energy whatsoever, when I didn’t believe in the enterprise?

And that, my friends, is laziness. Sure I was tired of blogs. I get tired of anything no matter how insignificant, once it actually requires something of me. Pray I don’t have a kid anytime soon, cause the second it wakes me up in the middle of the night one too many times, that’s when I’ll be like, “you know? I’m tired of kids.” Please believe I'll be looking for some swaddling clothes, and a well-lit doorstep.

During my great Self-Help book binge of ’05, I read in The Road Less Traveled that the human brain is naturally lazy. You have to train it to accept and love discipline.

Your brain, (or maybe it’s just mine), would rather be passively delighted by bright colors, intoxicating substances, sex, and a good nap. When confronted with challenge, it sends signals out that sound a lot like fear, self-doubt, self-importance, apathy, and on and on.

The most common guise of laziness is probably fear. You’re afraid of getting judged or mocked, or trying, failing, people seeing that and laughing at you, or worse, pitying you, and on and on. Just get over it. Or you’ll never do anything.

You’ll just get old, then you’ll get bitter, then you’ll get cancer, then you’ll start wasting away, then you’ll be lying on your death bed looking back upon a life of missed opportunities, and play it safe compromising, and you’ll have, like 60-70 years too late, the most significant epiphany of your wasted, wretched, existence. It will probably sound a lot like this:

YOU: Fuck Me!

G. REAPER: And… scene!

Anyway, please go outside, right now, this second, and fulfill your dreams for God’s sake. Life’s too short to give into laziness.

For my part, the battle is ongoing. I’m being a little lazy myself right now. I just skipped a class to write this.

(Rubik's Cube for the Lazy: Courtesy of uberreview.com).

Posted By: Hannibal

Countdown to Super Tuesday: Deuces!

2008-01-30T09:59:00.000-05:00

Well, hot damn! Just when you think Campaign 2008 can't get any more interesting, it just does. John Edwards is expected to drop out of the presidential race today, just 6 days shy of Super Tuesday. We all knew it would come to this point, but now it really is all about Barry and Hills. It brings up so many questions!

To whom will Edwards supporters transfer their votes? How much more tension will this create between Barack and Hillary? Whose campaign will Edwards support? And since he's probably not going to take anyone's vice position, wouldn't he be kind of bomb as attorney general (more on this later)? Most of all, how much fun will next week be??? I mean, I was already geeked because Super Tuesday falls in the middle of New York fashion week (leave me be, it's an addiction), and now this!

I'm totally about to become one of those old people that sleeps with her portable radio earbuds in, just in case NPR should drop any gems at 4am.

Posted by: Brittany

Story: Washington Post, Photo courtesy of AP (Jim Mone)- isn't the picture kind of funny?

In Search of My Dreamweaver

2008-01-29T09:12:00.000-05:00

All politics and principles notwithstanding, nothing quite gets me excited like some good weave. I don’t mean just any old beaver pelt, mind you, I’m talking about the kind of sew-in that inspires full reenactments of Beyonce videos. I want the stuff that will prompt me to perform all the choreography to “Proud Mary” at the bus stop. I want that good Kimberly Kimble ish.

Though I’ve been rocking the curly demi-fro for about 6 years now, I have always had an unnatural fascination with fake hair. Don’t get me wrong, I love my hair. Despite the urge it gives strangers to paw my tendrils and hand me free organic supermarket coupons in the street, it is my crowning glory.

Still, there is something to be said for the effective use of a store-bought coiffure. Good weave takes your hair to heights and lengths and thicknesses it could never (and probably should never) reach on its own, and seems like a fun alternative to the everyday. When done correctly, I imagine it looks and feels like a party is happening all over your scalp. For some, good weave is a way of life! I mean, just ask Patti LaBelle, Jessica Simpson, or Nicolas Cage. The right rug will set you straight.

I have been planning to get one for my next birthday for some time. Though my big B’day is not quite what you would call “coming up” (it’s in November), I have already begun the search for a suitable hair artist. I don’t want just anyone performing scalp voodoo on me! Surprisingly, my hunt for a proper stylist has turned up nothing. You would think that in a city like Washington, DC, at a school like Howard, I would be able to find a good weave man, but it’s been unexpectedly difficult.

You see, in a perfect world, I could just ask someone with a nice lace front who hooked them up, and they would give me a straight answer. Unfortunately, this is real life, and people can be so stank about it! I can’t just inquire as to where they got that shit, like it’s a jacket or some shoes. Apparently that’s "rude."

Well, you know what else is rude? Keeping secrets.

Look, we all know it's fake. By the grace of God, I have two working eyes with which I can see that your hair came out of pocket. I am asking you about it because it looks fantastic! So swallow your pride, take the compliment, and point me in the direction of your Yaki dealer, okay?

Seriously. I’m taking recommendations.

Posted by: Brittany

Photo Source/ BeyonceWorld.net

Only in DC!

2008-01-28T19:47:00.000-05:00

This morning, over a lavish breakfast at the Georgia Avenue McDonald's with my friend Eric, the District of Columbia afforded me yet another reason to lament its swift and brutal gentrification.

Around 10:20am, a shirtless (in 25 degree weather!) man took off southbound on Georgia, running like he stole something, literally stopping traffic in the process, only to leisurely walk back from whence he came, laughing. He then sprinted back across Ed Murphy Way, hopped the tall-ass fence of Banneker High's baseball diamond, only to take off running again. The entire dining room went into a stunned silence, which was broken seconds later by simultaneous peals of laughter.

It was the single, most amazing thing I have seen this year. In fact, it almost beats the time Eric and I encountered a man who told us of the museum he opened with the help of Indiana Jones, after they went on an excavation in the jungle along with 3,000 of the neighborhood kids. What did they find on this excursion, you ask? Why, a giant statue, which is now being hidden by the military in the reservoir by Children's Hospital, of course.

You cannot make this shit up! If that's not a reason to cut out all this condo-building business, I just don't know what is.

Ladies and gentlemen, let's keep DC black!

Posted by: Brittany

"Quote"

2008-01-27T21:44:00.001-05:00

Sex and the City vs. The World

2008-01-27T16:21:00.001-05:00

Like many girls, I often fantasize about a specific future: me, a phenomenally wealthy corporate CEO, strutting to work in variety of fashionable outfits, all while single handedly changing the world. Basically, I hope to be an intelligent goddess saint in a cute power suit.

My visions can probably be attributed to my watching too much Sex and the City in high school. Of course, I was excited that this season, ABC and NBC took the SATC formula; unnaturally fly women in a big city making big city dough, and duplicated it. My question: what took so long? A SATC remake seems a surefire hit for primetime television. Unfortunately, I also have to ask why their efforts have yielded two shows that should never have seen the light of day. ABC’s Cashmere Mafia, which stars the beautiful, but underwhelming Lucy Liu, is an irritating bore, and NBC’s Lipstick Jungle doesn’t look much better. In the hands of the major networks this formula has resulted in a few psychotic, emotionally void, oversexed hipper-than-thou chicks taking New York "by storm.” Personally, I think it is the plan of the networks to paint these career female images in a less than positive light in order to make the average woman want to stay home and have babies. But that’s just me.

Surprisingly, the creators and producers of these shows have great track records. Oliver Goldstick, who now produces Lipstick Jungle, made television crack with Ugly Betty, Popular and Everwood (ok, maybe that last one’s a stretch, but it got ratings, so whatever). Candace Bushnell, the series’ sole credited writer, penned both the original SATC book, and the chick-lit novel that Lipstick Jungle was based on. Cashmere Mafia, interestingly enough, is produced by Bushnell’s SATC collaborator, Darren Star. Star is also noted for his work on Beverly Hills 90210, and Melrose Place. Shows like this, with such all-stars behind them, should be great, but aren’t.

The reviews for Lipstick Jungle, which premiers February 7th, are already lukewarm. Cashmere Mafia, which I know for a fact is crap, is doing decently ratings-wise, but probably because of the Patricia Field wardrobe, the writers’ strike, and the fact that people will really watch anything that moves. My advice to both the SATC fan and the average television viewer: don’t waste your time on these shows. If you want something to fill the void of your SATC nostalgia, do the obvious, lovers, and get to a midnight screening of the premiere May 30th. And to the girl with high-powered wishes and M.B.A. dreams? Move to the city, but try to not be as vapid as the women in these second rate imitators.

Posted by: Imon
Photo Courtesy of Time Warner (I think)

Keeping the Faith, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Barack

2008-01-23T10:13:00.000-05:00

Even if you’re going hard for Kucinich (and aren’t the lot of us, deep down?), you know the Democratic nomination is a Hillary versus Obama showdown. The Seasoned Politico versus the Activist-Cum-Wunderkind. The First Lady-Turned-Viable Candidate versus the Racially Mixed DILF with the Adorable Family. The Chick versus the Black Guy. Despite their similar stance on some issues, the lines are clearly drawn.

Many of you, however, pretend that you are not concerned with having a specific person in the White House. As long as the Electoral College swings Blue, you claim you will be content. You keep up with the debates and primaries, but your heart’s not in it. You try to act all tough, like none of this fazes you. But there’s a reason you’re afraid to truly engage: you are head over heels in love with Obama. Face it.

Hell, you’re not just in love with him; you’re in love with Michelle, Sasha, Malia, and his pure fucking hopefulness. You become highly susceptible to pregnancy every time he smiles, even if you are a man. Yet, you won’t support him because you’re afraid of the disappointment it may bring.

I know this, people, because I was once one of you.

Yes, yes, I, too, am in love with BO. A fan since the 2004 convention, I was ecstatic when he announced he was running, albeit a little concerned. I nonetheless kept up with his every political move. Though I had no television last summer, I spent a few nights on YouTube, watching the early debates with a voracity typically reserved for Gossip Girl or Chipotle. And so our affair began.

It was all quick and torrid. We bonded over universal health care. I nodded my head in agreement when he talked about a woman’s right to choose and gave a spirited “right on!” when he approached education issues. We didn’t agree on everything, but he was the best person for the job. He made me feel good about the future. His activist roots, faint six-pack, freaking awesome wife, and criminally cute kids didn’t hurt, either.

But somewhere around August/ September, I panicked. Barack was up against a steel-balled former First Lady and a Southern white male. Why were we kidding ourselves? Why should I trust the same nation that was slow to Katrina and the Jena 6 to elect a black man named Barack HUSSEIN Obama? I knew we would both get our hearts broken when he didn’t win the party nomination, let alone the election. So, it was time to break up; I had to let a summer fling be a summer fling. In the following months I faked indifference toward all candidates, all the while my realistic-minded liberal heart bled for Barack.

Last week, amid the primaries, I started to miss him*. I wanted him back, and badly. Still, a future with Hillary seemed imminent, and one last try, at first, didn’t seem worth it. Oh, but it so is. Allow me to enlighten you:

The choice between Hillary and Barack is a matter of faith, above all else. Hills is capable, but does she have that hopeful spark? I needed to adopt Barack’s hope; what initially drew me into his campaign. I needed to have faith not only in him, but faith that America will someday soon elect someone capable, optimistic, and fresh. The opportunity to truly believe in a politician only comes along so often. To look back knowing that a good, truly viable candidate came along and I didn’t support him because I didn’t have the faith to would hurt worse than him losing.

My faith restored, I’m officially coming out as an Obama supporter, and if you've got the inclination, I suggest you do the same. I’m riding this train as far as it will go. In the event that Hillary gets the nomination (and it is shaping up to be that way), I will transfer my support. But my Election 2008 heart always, and forever, belongs to Barack Obama.

*If this were a real life relationship, this is the point where one might start sending him drunken text messages in the middle of the night; begging for “forgvnesz” and for the chance to” hang ut won moore time.”

Posted by: Brittany
Photo courtesy of Associated Press

A Waste

2008-01-22T17:45:00.001-05:00

When River Phoenix died, I was a little kid. I couldn't tell him apart from Leonardo DiCaprio and didn't care. It wasn't until much later that I realized what a loss it was for the acting community and movies at large that we had lost such a phenomenal and unique talent.

Here we go again.

Heath Ledger was found dead this afternoon in New York. I didn't know the guy personally, but for some reason, I'm gutted. Here was a guy who was just starting to take off. He was a good actor who had overcome the phase of "I do bad parts because I have great looks," and was getting into some meaty character roles. There was of course Brokeback Mountain, a great film, for which his performance was rightly singled out as the highlight of the movie.

Then there's the Joker. Like a lot of dorks, I was really looking forward to this and in particular, Ledger's performance. I didn't know a single person into that kind of thing, who wasn't really hyped about the movie, almost entirely because his work stood out as everything we ever hoped a Joker on film would be. The fact that the actor playing him would die months before the film's opening, is heartbreaking, surreal, and cruel.

I know it's not tasteful to talk about this sort of thing, especially, the very day that the guy dies, but let's be honest: The Dark Knight is ruined. I can't imagine watching that movie right now, being able to enjoy it all, knowing the star of it (and he was the star, I think we can all already see that), is dead. This was probably going to be the best movie of the summer and now it's shrouded in this thing, and will be, probably forever. It's now a movie to see for the sake of morbid curiosity. It's impossible to promote... and... well what can you say? It's just ruined.

But that's not what's important. What's important is that again we've lost an amazing actor, a brilliant young guy. Heath Ledger had a lot to offer, and was just beginning to show the world what he could do. I don't think you needed to have known him personally to truly feel that loss.

Posted by: Hannibal

In Defense Of...

2008-01-22T15:57:00.000-05:00

In Defense Of… is a segment in which the author searches for redeeming value in something society has deemed completely reprehensible. Clarence Darrow would understand.

Today I tackle: Britney's Crotch

These days, it’s hard to find something nice to say about Britney Spears. She invariably looks a mess, has lost touch with pants (much like one of my girls, Lindsay Lohan), and barely shows up to court. However, there is one thing for which I will give Britney a free pass. I think it’s okay that she doesn’t wear underwear. I am at peace with Brit’s pantiless cooch, because, well, it’s none of my business.

Whether or not to go commando is a personal choice, and no one should really be pointing their eyes, or their camera lens, toward that general area. It’s just rude. I mean, even if she’s getting out of a car in a short skirt, your average bystander might notice Brit’s cootie cat as much most of us noticed Janet’s nipple back in ’04 (sans media scrutiny, of course)*. It would be a flash just long enough to go “Oh, was that a bit of cooch?” and then remember that a) you have one, or b) you’ve seen one before and don’t really care. And don’t most gynecologists say you need to get as much air down there as possible? Let the woman breathe and stop talking about her lady parts. Would you want people talking about yours?

So, BS, I’m not going to get on you about covering up down there, but maybe try longer skirts? On a serious note, though, cut your hair into a nice little bob, ditch the crystal meth*, and for chrissakes, please take care of your children. Also, keep making songs like Piece of Me. That jawn is hot!

*I didn’t know why this was such a big deal. Everyone has nipples. Some people even have three.
*This goes for you, too.

Posted by: Brittany, bitch

Amy Winehouse: Why Do You Smoke Crack?

2008-01-22T14:34:00.000-05:00

I apologize for referring to Amy Winehouse as “coked-out” in my last post.

She actually smokes crack. My bad.

Really, Amy. Why? Why do you smoke crack? I thought you were rich. And even if you aren’t exactly raking it in, I know you are not spending money on purses and Louboutins and all that. You own one pair of ballet flats! And aren’t you famous? You probably get drugs for free, but I don’t think crack rock is usually included in that sort of deal. Freebasing is not very glamorous. This leads me to believe that you paid for crack. You, a rich, legitimate celebrity, paid for crack. In 2008.

I am amazed when I see crackheads nowadays. Crackheads can’t stick around for long, because, well, crack kills. So that means that most current crackheads are people who started smoking crack within last 10 years, tops. Meaning that they knew what crack does to families, communities, and the human body, and decided to try it anyway. Like I said, I am amazed when I see crackheads nowadays, but rich crackheads? Come on.

I don’t think that there is much more to say on the subject. Luckily, you can afford to kick the habit. Many people with your same problem do not have the money for things like rehab and counseling. Get thee to Promises and stay off the pipe, please!

Posted by: Brittany

Story and photo courtesy of The Sun

When You're Growing Down Instead of Growing Up

2008-01-21T04:06:00.000-05:00

Those who bemoan the state of popular music, rejoice! I come this holiday bearing gifts.

Meet Janelle Monáe, urban rock star. The title of this post was pulled from her lyrics. Monáe is an adorable pint-sized firecracker hell-bent on saving the world, one concept EP at a time. Simultaneously channeling Prince and Buddy Holly with all the natural grace of a ‘40s-era jazz chanteuse, Monáe is a true original. Her music evokes the sweat and grit of good rock and soul, and live, she is something to behold (so I’ve heard). Approved by both halves of OutKast, Monáe is an icon in the making. Understandably, her distinct look and sound could be lost on the Rihanna-addled* masses, but there’s still Alice Smith.

Smith, has self-penned radio-ready grooves, sultry ballads, and an unbelievable range that is even more impressive live. Even with a Grammy nomination under her belt, Smith, like Monáe, is without the following that she so deserves. She is gorgeous in not only a universal way, but also in the way that America likes its black folk: slender and light-skinned. Not to devalue Smith’s artistry or beauty, but honestly, what more could the record industry ask for in a marketable black singer?

YouTube sensation Esmee Denters, a chirpy Scandinavian teenager, was recently signed to Justin Timberlake’s Tennman label because of her ability to sing Beyoncé and Luther Vandross covers in front of her webcam. Thanks to the publicity her record deal generated, not to mention the stamp of approval from Oprah, Denters’ debut album has a guaranteed audience. She is talented, I guess, but something about her come-up just doesn’t feel right, especially considering the Amy Winehouse-Sharon Jones fiasco of 2007 and the struggling state of many a talented black musician of moderate renown.

What does it all add up to? I don’t really know. One could blame the aforementioned masses, but that wouldn’t be totally fair. They only take what they’re being pushed by the hype machine. And if the hype machine is only supporting the Timberlakes, Thickes, and Fergies of the world, whose records do you suspect the public will buy? One could also get mad at Oprah* for not featuring more new black musicians on her show, but, um, what else is new? It’s all a manifestation of what is fundamentally wrong with our society, I suppose.

Today, we are all supposed to reflect on Dr. King’s dreams and take stock of how far we have come or how short we have fallen in realizing them. Many people I know are just glad to have a day off from school or work. Obviously, some very long strides have been taken toward racial equality, if that’s even an attainable goal, but using solely the state of popular music as a barometer, America still has a long way to go.

Little black boys and girls have been making nice with little white boys and girls for years (see: Alicia Keys, Halle Berry, Sally Hemmings, common affection for Kanye West and Justin Timberlake), but that’s not the point, nor is it enough. Though the days of slavery, lynching, and being blasted with water hoses are in the past, life's still not easy for black people, nor for our Latino, Asian, Native American and Middle Eastern/ Arab/ Muslim friends. Institutional racism feels as prevalent as ever. Evident in all media and in the hearts and minds of all Americans, probably more often than they realize, it is obviously not disappearing anytime soon. Again, racial inequality, sexism, and homophobia in the entertainment business is nothing new, but today has me thinking about it more than usual.

Why are artists like Monáe and Smith hustling to gain sizable audiences when Brooke fucking Hogan can wear assless denim chaps and get decent airplay? When will we take up for the LGBT community (yes, Dr. King was down for that cause, too), finally allowing 50% of hip-hop and Hollywood to come out? Wendy Williams and I want to know. Why is the gifted, but coked-out Amy Winehouse favored over Sharon Jones, who is both divinely talented and consistently sober? When will there be enough love to go around for everyone who rightfully deserves it, regardless of color?

Will I still be alive then?

*I like Rihanna, but she ain’t no Janelle Monáe.
*I love Oprah, but sometimes she makes it so damn hard.

Posted by: Brittany, who is officially off her soapbox for the day.

Photos courtesy of I don't know, but obviously, I didn't take 'em.

Cloverfield: WACK or THAT CRACK - (Movie Review)

2008-01-19T13:21:00.002-05:00

What’s J.J. Abrams problem? Why does he favor protagonists who are bland saps with no discernible personality? Could it be that’s what he most closely relates to? Could it be that’s what he is?

Take Jack of Lost. A boring nice guy with a boring hair cut, who looks like he’d be more comfortable on Guiding Light.

Take Tom Cruise in the Abrams helmed Mission Impossible 3. What rhymes with ‘Yay,’ and aptly describes Tom Cruise trying to look tough on film?

Fortunately for Cloverfield, it’s a triumph of marketing. It has a great trailer, and a mysterious concept, which coupled, should ensure a highly profitable opening weekend.

Unfortunately for Cloverfield, it’s an absurd waste of time and money for which if you’ve seen the trailer, you’ve seen the movie. There’s nothing more to it. You learn nothing more worthwhile about the creature, the people involved, or even the title. By the time its Beauty and the Beast running time of 84 minutes is up, you’ve learned the following:

“It is worth endangering the lives of everyone you know, as long as it is all in the interest of recovering from a collapsed building, in a destroyed city, a boring chick whom you had a crush on in college and slept with once.”

Still, I can’t hate Abrams. He’s doing his thing, making his money, and entertaining people. Of course what he calls entertainment could just as easily be accomplished with several Barbie dolls voiced by celebrities, but that’s another story.

This movie was almost as big a letdown as There Will Be Blood. Which probably means it’s will be up for Best Picture come Oscar time.

Verdict: WACK!

Posted by Hannibal
Photo Courtesy of Paramount Pictures

Yikes!

2008-01-19T13:06:00.000-05:00

Yikes!™ is a reoccurring feature in which the bleeding heart liberal of an author will pick something in society that scares him, and with the use of too many words, and a few run on sentences, try and convince you to live in fear as well.

“Post-Everything”

Everywhere I turn, somebody seems to be lamenting the loss of something. This era in society is post-everything. Almost everything that we could culturally rely on in the 20th century has given way. Every time I look at the news I read about how a certain group is poorer than ever, or TV ratings are lower than ever, or music sales are lower than ever, newspaper sales lower than ever, or how one day, first run films will be released on the internet, same day as they are in the theater.

In an era of increasing mechanization, reliance on computers, and digital technology, we’re marching boldly on, straight and true, towards what? A nation of zombiehood? Yikes!

The planet is choking and sinking as the result of our relentless and myopic plundering of natural resources. The current presidential administration in America has alienated the world and plunged us into a seemingly unending war the cost of which is great in human lives and national morale. There is no end in sight.

In this post industrial society, jobs that people once made a decent living by have disappeared, factories have closed, machines taken over, outsourcing occurred, and the largely urban public pushed aside in the great capitalistic march towards “progress.” All by a profit obsessed society that doesn’t need it anymore.

But what are we progressing towards, and in whose best interest?

Posted by Hannibal
Photo courtesy of I have no clue

Confederate Flag Somehow Relevant

2008-01-18T11:48:00.000-05:00

Forget the state of the economy and the fact that we’ve still got thousands of young men and women “defending democracy” overseas. Health care? Gay marriage? Psshhh… put that shit on the back burner!

Make room for the real issue: the Confederate flag.

Yes, this shit again. The importance of the Confederate flag is an important issue in the tomorrow's South Carolina GOP primary. Radio ads airing all over the state, expected to reach 60-65% of all SC Republicans voting tomorrow, have been blasting Sen. John McCain and Mitt Romney for their public disdain for what has long been a symbol of racism and hatred. The ads also commend Mike Huckabee for his longtime support of the flag as a good ole symbol of American pride. The commercials were paid for by Americans for the Preservation of American Culture. You can hear the creepy radio spots for yourself at their equally creepy website.

I’m not an idiot; I know racism (especially the institutional kind) is still alive and kicking in America. If it weren’t, people would give way less of a fuck about exactly how “black” Obama is and be able to, you know, concentrate on issues and stuff like that. I mean, I know we’re talking about Huckabee and his ilk, but really? Is it that necessary to outright rally defense for this type of thing? Ads like that don’t come cheap. A lot of crazy old white folk put up a lot of crazy old white money just to ensure that their beloved symbol remains here to stay. Again, I'm not surprised. It just gets one thinking about the lengths that some people will go to just to maintain some racist mess like that.

I swear, just when you think old-school racism is played out, here comes some people telling you that it is back in style in a very serious way; like the way people do with white jeans or K-SWISS.

And wearing K-SWISS has never been acceptable.

Posted by: Brittany

Story and photo courtesy of: The Washington Times

Greetings

2008-01-17T17:24:00.000-05:00

Our philosophy is, people need a place to go that has no point really, you know? No discernible purpose, or redeeming social value. This is the place you go to for the random, strange and amusing. And by amusing, we mean amusing to us. We need to get something out of this too.

Cause we’ll let you in on a little secret. When we have actual responsibilities that we’re not ready to confront, on this blog we will post.

Translation: We’ll be posting a lot.

All we ever wanted was a concrete historical document of all the time we wasted.

Sincerely,

Imon, Brittany, Hannibal

January 17, 2008

Hannibal wanted to sign off with 'Cheers!' but according to Brittany, saying 'Cheers!' is for douches.