Funniest Trailer of The Week

This movie stars Angel, aka Lola Luv, in her feature film debut.

- Hannibal

An Open Letter to Hillary Clinton and Kwame Kilpatrick

Hey guys! There's this thing called "bowing out gracefully" that even the above man has mastered better than the two of you.

Hillary, your campaign's a mess. You tried to recruit Bob Johnson to garner the Black vote, for chrissakes! It's obvious you're just in this for yourself now. Drop out of the race, get some sexy new skirt suits (a little de la Renta never hurt anyone), and become an Obama supporter, like we all know you secretly want to.

Kwame, I'm coming back to you later. But for now, know that you're an embarrassment not only to all of Detroit, but to all black people, everywhere. The ancestors want to put you over their collective knee and give you a whooping.

My dad, the great and fabled Bill, always said "quit while you're ahead." Neither of you are ahead. Just quit.

XOXO,

Brittany

Just Married!

Enough whiny, self-indulgent posts detailing my lame ass life. Let's get back to talking shit about other people!

According to the Star, Angie and Brad had the ultimate shotgun wedding in New Orleans yesterday afternoon. I remember them saying they wouldn't get married until everyone in America could, but if I had umpteen kids by the same filthy rich man, I'd be sprinting down the aisle ASAP, pre-nup in hand. Just saying.

Best of luck to the newlyweds! If the rumors are true!

Posted by: Brittany

Hi. Remember Me?

Um, so, yeah, I went missing for a while... but now I'm back! I would like to say I've been gone because I've been busy, but why make excuses? The truth is, I've just been spending too much time, like, doing absolutely nothing. Well, kind of. Allow me to explain.

Between school (I'm not a fan), work (luckily, my job's not stressful, but it's 22 hours a week during which nothing especially fun or productive happens), and trying to be a normal person (this has not happened since age 7), I had a lot going on. Add to that emails unanswered, phone calls unreturned, laundry undone, friendships possibly damaged, and the fact that I'm embarrassingly poor for someone with a job (my ace money management skills at work)... I was exhausted.

Not, like, Lindsay exhausted. It costs a lot of money to do the amount of coke it takes to be that exhausted. Working at [redacted] proffers me neither the pay nor the time to dabble in hard drugs. Point is, I was stressed the fuck out.

I needed more than active relaxation, more than "chill time," as the kids say. I needed to completely detach before any type of restoration was possible. Fortunately, spring break came to my rescue! It was 9 days of my parents' couch, premium On Demand, and whoever came to call. Okay, so I did make one undercover foray into hipster heaven at the Justice/ Diplo show, as well as see a good friend off to China, but other than that, I was a homebody. I didn't have to work, go to class, use my cell phone, spend my own money, walk anywhere, bathe... shit, I barely had to move. Writing for the blog just got lumped in with everything else. I tried to post, believe me, I did, but after a paragraph or so, it just felt obligatory, like something I had to do. So, I unceremoniously took a couple weeks off to make myself a little less crazy. Make sense?

Of course I missed the ole BFD, and I kind of can't quit it (not that I would!), so here I am. More importantly, I'm back with actual things to say. Being away has given me plenty of time to ruminate on Kwame, Hillary, and all the rest. I've got quite a bit for you in the coming weeks... that is, if you can handle it!

I hope you missed me, because I missed you. Honest.

XOXO,

Brittany

Slow News Day

This never gets old. The immortal 'Coffee is For Closers' scene from Glengary Glen Ross.

- Hannibal

Wow... Really? I mean... Really?

To quote Rock, "It only makes me mad if she's fine." Garcelle Beauvais and husband.

- Hannibal