Yikes!

Yikes!™ is a recurring feature in which the bleeding heart liberal of an author will pick something in society that scares her, and with the use of too many words, and a few run on sentences, try and convince you to live in fear as well.

Last night, as if by Ouija board-like control, I turned my radio dial* to CSPAN for coverage of the Republican debates. It was like something out of The Twilight Zone. McCain and Romney were arguing about who was more dedicated to continuing the war in Iraq! Like it was a good thing! They grappled over which one of them really wanted to take away a woman's right to choose. And I thought someone was going to get bitch-slapped when they got into it over No Child Left Behind. They were speaking English, but I would've understood Korean more easily (in case you were wondering, I am not fluent in Korean). I think all the craziness they were spouting combined with the radio airwaves to burn a hole in my brain where some of my speech recognition skills used to be. In fact, I am not even typing this. I have to use a scribe.

The whole ordeal filled me with fear and anxiety. The thought that one of them could get elected is utterly terrifying. Between last night's debates and Monday's State of the Union Address, I wonder if the Republican nominees, or really any Republicans, live in the same country as I do. Their America sounds like an alternate universe!

With recent polls projecting McCain for the win, I'm considering fleeing the States after graduation. Seriously, any Canadian couples need an au pair? As I am currently taking 100-level French, I can teach your child to say "pencil," as well as how to order a decent potage and ask for the restroom. Save for last night's incident, I am practically bilingual.

This reminds me. Yesterday my coworker revealed his plan to, within the next 7 years, convince all black people to become Republicans so that we can "turn the party around." When I asked him how he planned to do this, he assured me that if he could get Wu-Tang on board, the rest would fall into place. God Bless America.

*No, I am not a senior citizen. I had to skip the CNN broadcast because of Moment of Truth was on. You think I would miss that?

Posted by: Brittany