In Defense Of...

In Defense Of… is a segment in which the author searches for redeeming value in something society has deemed completely reprehensible. Clarence Darrow would understand.

Today I tackle: Carmen Kontur-Gronquist, the Arlington, Oregon mayor who was ousted after a "reavealing" MySpace photo of her was discovered

Sometimes being a woman really sucks. Obama runs shirtless on the beach, he gains the adoration of millions (including myself), and possibly even the Democratic nomination. Carmen Kontur-Gronquist has the offending photo (above) on her MySpace, and she loses her job as mayor. Okay, so yeah, she's in a lacy bra and panties posing next to a firetruck. But it was for a fitness competition! She looks great for someone who's popped out babies, might I add. And the photo was posted by a relative hoping to get the single mom mayor a date, not Kontur-Gronquist herself. After the picture surfaced, Kontur-Gronquist refused to take it down, asserting, "I'm not going to change who I am."

And I totally agree. She was elected because citizens felt she would be the best for the job. Who cares if she took a non-pornographic lingerie photo 3 years ago? That doesn't make her a ho! Even if she was one, still looks better than all of those broads at the Bunny Ranch.

In a world where making a sex tape with Brandy's little brother can get you engaged to Saint Reggie Bush (Kim Kardashian, I am looking at you), Kontur-Gronquist is in the right with this one. The woman can wear whatever she wants. If she's running the city effectively and raising her kids*, what business is it of yours? I say, she's a grown ass woman who earned that muscle tone and she has the right to show it off! Besides, she looks better at 40-something than I do now. Better her than me!

Shit, if I looked like that at her age, you would have to rassle me to keep me from spandex and Glamourshots. Wait, no. You would have to do that now, too. Nevermind.

*Most fully-clothed people cannot even handle this.

Posted by: Brittany

Image: KATU

In Defense Of...

In Defense Of… is a segment in which the author searches for redeeming value in something society has deemed completely reprehensible. Clarence Darrow would understand.

Today I tackle: Britney's Crotch

These days, it’s hard to find something nice to say about Britney Spears. She invariably looks a mess, has lost touch with pants (much like one of my girls, Lindsay Lohan), and barely shows up to court. However, there is one thing for which I will give Britney a free pass. I think it’s okay that she doesn’t wear underwear. I am at peace with Brit’s pantiless cooch, because, well, it’s none of my business.

Whether or not to go commando is a personal choice, and no one should really be pointing their eyes, or their camera lens, toward that general area. It’s just rude. I mean, even if she’s getting out of a car in a short skirt, your average bystander might notice Brit’s cootie cat as much most of us noticed Janet’s nipple back in ’04 (sans media scrutiny, of course)*. It would be a flash just long enough to go “Oh, was that a bit of cooch?” and then remember that a) you have one, or b) you’ve seen one before and don’t really care. And don’t most gynecologists say you need to get as much air down there as possible? Let the woman breathe and stop talking about her lady parts. Would you want people talking about yours?

So, BS, I’m not going to get on you about covering up down there, but maybe try longer skirts? On a serious note, though, cut your hair into a nice little bob, ditch the crystal meth*, and for chrissakes, please take care of your children. Also, keep making songs like Piece of Me. That jawn is hot!

*I didn’t know why this was such a big deal. Everyone has nipples. Some people even have three.
*This goes for you, too.

Posted by: Brittany, bitch