In Defense Of...

In Defense Of… is a segment in which the author searches for redeeming value in something society has deemed completely reprehensible. Clarence Darrow would understand.

Today I tackle: Britney's Crotch

These days, it’s hard to find something nice to say about Britney Spears. She invariably looks a mess, has lost touch with pants (much like one of my girls, Lindsay Lohan), and barely shows up to court. However, there is one thing for which I will give Britney a free pass. I think it’s okay that she doesn’t wear underwear. I am at peace with Brit’s pantiless cooch, because, well, it’s none of my business.

Whether or not to go commando is a personal choice, and no one should really be pointing their eyes, or their camera lens, toward that general area. It’s just rude. I mean, even if she’s getting out of a car in a short skirt, your average bystander might notice Brit’s cootie cat as much most of us noticed Janet’s nipple back in ’04 (sans media scrutiny, of course)*. It would be a flash just long enough to go “Oh, was that a bit of cooch?” and then remember that a) you have one, or b) you’ve seen one before and don’t really care. And don’t most gynecologists say you need to get as much air down there as possible? Let the woman breathe and stop talking about her lady parts. Would you want people talking about yours?

So, BS, I’m not going to get on you about covering up down there, but maybe try longer skirts? On a serious note, though, cut your hair into a nice little bob, ditch the crystal meth*, and for chrissakes, please take care of your children. Also, keep making songs like Piece of Me. That jawn is hot!

*I didn’t know why this was such a big deal. Everyone has nipples. Some people even have three.
*This goes for you, too.

Posted by: Brittany, bitch